Friday 16 December 2011

I hate Westerns, they are shit

I'll give almost any genre of film a go. For one thing, strict generic classification of stuff is a rather reductive thing to do. For another, the more stuff you deny yourself on principle then more fool you, I increasingly find. However, I don't watch Westerns. I hate Westerns. They are shit.

It may be that they were so beloved of my grandfather, of whom I was always terrified. Maybe I associate them with that. But then, he also liked to watch sport on TV, and I can report no significant negative associations there. No, I'm pretty sure the problem lies within the Western itself, and how shit it is.

I'm not even sure why they're popular. They were pretty well ubiquitous in the early days of Hollywood, mainly I suspect due to the geographical location making endlessly dull retellings of the great American frontiersman's travails particularly easy to shoot without the need for any additional backdrops or scenery. Plus, you know, it's a nice story. Wholesome. Who wouldn't want to be reminded about the merciless cultural imperialism and rapacious greed of the European settlers at the expense of the native people? Fun times.

And yet, people still make Westerns. They've been making them pretty much non-stop since the dawn of cinema. This probably explains why in any average week on British television, you'll probably find a Western every couple of days or so in the schedules. It's enough to make me want to amputate my head. Fortunately, I discovered that not watching them was easier.

I thought that, as I'm currently engaged in a series of posts about films, it may be nice to redress this bias. Educate myself in the ways of the Westerns. Perhaps even live blog the experience of watching some of the classic Westerns that will no doubt be on over the Christmas holidays.

Last Saturday I watched a porno whilst drinking Carlsberg Special Brew for the benefit of the advancement of human knowledge. HOWEVER. When it comes to Westerns, I just simply can't bring myself to do it. Even in the name of science.

I hate Westerns. They are shit.


Chopper said...

Hmm. I thought I loved Westerns, now I'm wondering if I've just been brainwashed into thinking this way by the relentless efforts of the Hollywood machine.

This might knock back my plans to do a Top Five Westerns.

Terry Duffelen said...

Consider watching the Sergio Leone westerns. Particularly Once Upon A Time In The West which is magical.


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