Thursday 19 April 2012

Crime is on its arse

Criminals have no standards these days. A cursory glance at the news or Crimewatch is enough to confirm it. The lack of sartorial elegance that miscreants exhibit these days is a disgrace. People used to dress up to do crimes. Nowadays people just throw on some trackies before dropping some significant misdeeds.

"Take this tram to the Brixton Academy,
The Quo are on tonight"
Look at this picture. It is a contemporary illustration of the Tottenham Outrage of 1909. The Tottenham Outrage was an armed robbery and double murder. The perpetrators - Helfeld and Lepidus - held up a rubber factory wage truck in Chestnut Road, Tottenham on 23rd January 1909, each armed with semi-automatic pistols. A scuffle arose with the security guards, alerting passing police officers. In the ensuing shootout, a policeman was shot through the head and a 10-year old boy caught in the cross-fire was also killed. The pair then fled to Walthamstow via a hijacked tram. In a two hour long spree they fired over 600 rounds of ammunition, killing two people and injuring 25 more.

Helfeld and Lepidus were Bolshevik-sympathising Latvian Jewish immigrants escaping the Tsarist police pogroms. These people were card-carrying anarchists, as well as police killers and violent robbers and thugs. But look at them! You'd be hard pressed to tell which was the hijacker and which was the tram driver. My point is, they made an effort.

sic semper tyrannis, again
Eight years previously, US President William McKinley was assassinated by another anarchist, Leon Csolgosz, at the World's Fair in Buffalo, New York. Again, Csolgosz is immaculately dressed. He knew that this was his moment, his fifteen minutes, and he'd be damned if he didn't at least get his shoes shined first.

I'm sick of these shabby sumbitches criming us all up. If you're going to break some laws, which frankly I would sincerely hope you are not going to do, at least break the bank first. Get yourself a nice suit. Put some thought into it. A century ago, people who had rejected polite society at least put a hat on and wore proper shoes.

You're a bloody disgrace.

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