Monday 7 January 2013

I lose it

Blogging is a noble activity in many ways, unless your blog is about fucking kids. Mine isn't. One thing that it is about is watching and writing about the top 100 disaster movies list that my friend and blogging colleague 5ollyington Meatburger have made. I did the first post of this series yesterday. You may have already read it. You may have already read it and killed yourself. This means I only have 99 more to do, which is pretty good news for me because doing the first one revealed a number of worrying signs that this project is going to cause me to have a complete and massive nervous breakdown.

Yesterday, I was writing up my post during the film. This is because I didn't want to forget any of my more insightful and ribald thoughts, but also because film is quite boring. I gave it 5 out of 10, or 10th May in numerological language. As I wrote this pithy and hilarious denouement, on the screen there was all sort of bad stuff happening. Solar stuff. Mooses on fire, the whole works. Suddenly all the tiny, fragmented pieces of information that pass for my intellect crystallised in a sudden terrifying moment of realisation. A solar maximum is expected in 2013. Could it be that the events I was seeing depicted on the screen could happen on May 10th and I'd just predicted it with my review of Knowing?

The Sun: sitting up there, waiting to kill us all, the big hydrogen and helium bastard

I did a Google search, just in case any such event was expected on the 10th of May this year. My thought was, if they were I would change my score to a 6 out of 10. Not only does this demonstrate a mind completely unprepared for the kind of emotional assault watching a disaster movie every 3.65 days is likely to impart, but also that I am a flaky and unreliable reviewer, prepared to change his carefully thought-out ratings at the merest prophetic or eschatological concern. You don't get this problem with Barry Norman.

I fear that I am beyond saving. However, this is no reason why I shouldn't continue in my project. And I'm doing Threads next, what could possibly go wrong?

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