Monday 21 November 2011

All boys like Velma the best

Yesterday I spent a lovely afternoon discussing ducks, swans, feeders and the potential for lesbianism in dogs in Queen's Park, Brighton with a very superior class of people indeed. One of them was one of my favourite bloggers and tweety-tweet-tweeters, Mollbird, whom I was meeting in actual real life for the first time. You should definitely read her blog if you don't already do so. Go on. Do it now, this will still be waiting for you when you get back. She once got pepper sprayed in a cinema, rendering a 3-D experience resolutely 0-D. What more do you want?

It's always nice to meet people who you've been following on Twitter, I find, because as I've said before there's very few surprises. Most people are the way they are on the site, and now you've got the added bonus that they can tell you things in longer increments than 140 characters or fewer. I learnt new facts and was able to establish that Moll - who has one of your actual degrees in film studies - shares my passion for films having more sharks in them wherever possible. Hell, even wherever NOT possible. Just get some sharks in, and make sure they're ANGRY. I feel that her opinion was validation of a theory on the filmmaker's art which may otherwise very well have just been the rantings of a complete idiot, like everything else I say.

Another important thing to come out of yesterday afternoon, however, was Moll posing the vital question: which cartoon character would play you in a film of your life? These are the sort of vital questions that I feel are criminally ignored by society at large because they think they are stupid or trivial. But, and I'm not actually joking about this, I think they're the most important things. It's the little, stupid and trivial things that make up life.

Her choice was Velma from Scooby Doo. A lot of my friends answer Velma to that question, in fact. Alice was also there and quickly agreed that Velma was her choice too*. It was a whole world of Velmagic going on. It's a good thing. It shows a sense of humour and wry self-depreciation. It's a sign that they value their depth of character. Velma should be an icon for our times.

I wonder, though, how many women when noting their Velmatic tendencies actually know that when it comes down to that vital Scooby Doo Choice, all boys like Velma the best? Well, all boys you'd want to have anything to do with, anyway. I'd go as far to say that you should be highly suspicious of a man who would choose Daphne over Velma, nor anything to do with a woman who would do the same thing when trying to find a cartoon shorthand to describe themselves.

This is a bold statement, and maybe it's just me. But I really don't think it is. I really HOPE that it isn't, too. I can scarcely imagine the horror of a society ruled by Daphnes and Daphne-chasers. I needn't even bother imagining it, in fact. I just need to watch any of the programmes on ITV2 to show me what that would be like. I think it's horrifying, vapid and materialistic. It's time that Velmas and Velma enthusiasts took back popular culture for themselves. We have nothing to lose but our Scooby Snacks.

By the way, the cartoon character who would play me is Muttley. And I would like a medal, yes.

* I should point out that Alice says I have misremembered this and that in fact she did not make a specific choice. However, I'm trying to construct a sociological theory with help from empirical evidence, so I'm leaving it in.

1 comment:

mollbird said...

I feel like a cshelebrity!


You have reached the bottom of the internet