Saturday, 26 November 2011

Film blogging for people who don't like films: a five-point guide


Today's post is written by 5olly. At the end of 2009, mindful of the fact he generally actively avoided watching films, 5olly set himself the challenge of watching the IMDb top 100 films in 2010 and blogging about each one. It didn't work. So for 2011 he's been doing the Channel 4 top 100 war films. This is going better. But I'm not convinced he likes films yet. Or blogging. In spite of this, it's fair to say no-one blogs quite like 5olly.

Here's his five-step guide for anyone thinking of attempting the same sort of project. Thanks go to 5olly!

5ollymund Meatburger (Popular Film Blogger): http://5olly.wordpress.com

Yeah. You should do what I do. Cos what I do rocks! When I say 'it rocks', what I mean is it sounds like it rocks, what I actually mean is 'it's shit'.

5olly's Top 5 List of How to Watch any Top 100* Films List.

* When I say list, i mean a Top 100† Movies list from the interweb

And when i say Top 100, I mean Top 100 (IMDb Channel 4 War Films, 70's Porn Films)

They're all equally hard to watch. Except the ones that make you hard.

1. Get a hobby.
Everyone needs a hobby, and some people already have a hobby but still feel they need one. If you feel like you need to watch IMDB's Top 100 movies, you definitely still need one. (A hobby)

2. Enjoy writing bollocks.
Personally I hate films, but I like writing even less. If you feel the same then don't bother.

3. Assume that people you know will be interested in what you've written.
This is always a trap. Some of my friends like shit that I hate.

4. If you're worried that people you know won't be interested in what you've written, then make sure that people you don't know are intrigued enough to not ever bother coming back again.
I heard this wisdom at a Tory Conference in Greece.

5. When not using double negatives, always try never to use the correct amounts in each sentences. NOT!
If you can't hold your penis in one hand, then hold your hands together with someone. Then you can't hold your hands together with your penis in someone.

One of 5olly's ideas for next year's film blogging project is, as he mentioned, 1970s porn films. I know I speak for all of us when I say I really, REALLY, hope he does this.

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