Tuesday, 25 October 2016

337 songs that changed your life

Last Saturday evening, hungover to tits and listening to The Velvet Underground, the conversation turned to the maddeningly inexact science that is musical taste. As with any such discussion, the issue of the one song that you really cannot stand was never far from our thoughts.

In a moment of idle curiosity, I asked Twitter for some nominations.

The moment that torpedoed my next 72 hours

It is safe to say that I had never anticipated what would happen next. By Sunday afternoon, my Twitter notifications were giving me a microcosmic indication of what it might be like to be famous. It turns out that being famous isn't all cocaine and hookers: or rather, if it is, those people aren't on Twitter. You wouldn't have the time: it turns what is normally a desert of anguish and boredom into a full-time occupation. I tried to imagine what it would be like if a significant proportion of each new tranche of notifications were abusive, quickly concluding that it would be straight up bullshit. Gary Lineker is an admirable man.

If I'm honest, I expected my tweet to go much the same way as all the other 68-odd thousand I'd done: shout into the abyss, wait for echo, forget it entirely, repeat until death. This time, however, I had touched a nerve. The medium was prepared just right: time of day, day of the week and subject matter all made for an extremely fertile thread. Overwhelmingly so, at times.

However, it was all entirely positive. One hundred percent. Not one single response was even slightly antagonistic, let alone insulting or to tell me that I had done a poo on a football pitch. It was a reminder of the goodness in people, and that social media is just as capable of reflecting this goodness as it is the badness. The whole thing was a genuine pleasure and if you are one of the many people who contributed, thank you.

So far, 337 songs have been nominated for the list. Some have been mentioned countless times - countless because I didn't realise that I should probably have been counting them and now I just don't have the time nor the inclination to wade back through. Others are outliers, including some entries that provoked astonishment at their inclusion.

Overall, it is a thrilling glimpse into the fragility of the human mind. I hope that some people were heartened to find themselves a ready-made online support community while others were just able to get something off their chest. The resultant Spotify playlist, which I have called Kryptonite Songs, is perhaps the most tantalising song roulette anyone could ever play. If you are anything like me, you probably like a significant percentage of the following songs and can tolerate a large rump of the remainder. But it's in there, isn't it? Just waiting for you.

Without any further waffle from me, here is the list. Free from the (admittedly slim) restraints of Spotify's library, it appears in its unexpurgated form. There is one small rider to this, which is that I will have almost certainly forgotten to include some of the songs: things were coming so thick and fast on Sunday afternoon that in the time it took to write up the latest 50 replies, there would be 65 more. So, if I missed yours off, I apologise. However, the list - and my Twitter - remains open, so I can almost certainly be nudged to fix any mistakes. Finally, if you haven't contributed yet and would like to, the original Twitter thread can be found here, or you can leave your nomination in the comments below.

10cc – Dreadlock Holiday
10cc – I'm Not In Love
The 88 – At Least It Was Here
Ace Of Base - All That She Wants
The Animals – House of the Rising Sun

21 Pilots – Ride
The inclusion of this song riled up one respondent's teenage daughter. This delighted me: people were playing the Spotify list to their children. Hearts and minds.

4 Non Blondes - What's Up?

ABBA – Dancing Queen
I love this song. More updates on this as we get them.

Aerosmith – I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
Aerosmith – Janie's Got A Gun
Aerosmith. Music for people who like to be uplifted but hate music.

Akon – Lonely

Amy Grant – Big Yellow Taxi
The Big Yellow Taxi saga was interesting. Many replies just said "anything by [artist]" or "any version of [song]". Big Yellow Taxi, however, was unique. Initially picked with the stipulation that it was any except the Counting Crows version. Within an hour this, too, was on the list.

Andrew Gold – Lonely Boy
Anohni – 4 Degrees
Aqua – Lollipop (Candyman)
Artful Dodger ft. Craig David – Re Rewind

The B52's - Love Shack
Oh, this one is really, REALLY unpopular

B*Witched – C'est La Vie
Babybird – You're Gorgeous

Babylon Zoo – Spaceman
The most disappointing song of all time?

Bananarama - I Can't Help It
Band Aid – Do They Know It's Christmas?
Barry Manilow – Mandy

The Beatles - Across The Universe
The Beatles - Hey Jude
The Beatles - She's Leaving Home
The Beatles - When I'm 64
The Beatles - Yellow Submarine
The Beatles – Yesterday
The Beatles, objectively the greatest pop group in history. Just accept it. However, I can't particularly argue with any of these selections. 

The Beautiful South – Perfect 10
BUT SHE WEARS A TWELVE

Bee Gees – More Than A Woman

Belinda Carlisle – Circle In The Sand
Belinda Carlisle – Heaven Is A Place On Earth
Belinda Carlisle – Leave The Light On For Me
Some have queried whether Belinda Carlisle deserved such shoddy treatment. But the people have spoken and what they said was, do our ears deserve such shoddy treatment?

Beyonce – Single Ladies
Billy Joel – My Life
Billy Joel – Piano Man
Billy Joel – Uptown Girl
Billy Ocean – When The Going Gets Tough The Tough Get Going
Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart
Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet

Black Crowes – Hard To Handle
The person who nominated this song tells me it is an FM radio staple in America. No wonder things are getting so fraught over there.

Black Eyed Peas – I've Gotta Feeling
This is one of the most nominated songs. The level of angst that it inspires, if harnessed properly, could end our reliance on fossil fuels.

Black Lace – Agadoo

Blondie - Heart of Glass
Blondie – Rapture
I was glad these were nominated. It's nice to have some great songs in any playlist.

Blue Mink - Melting Pot
No argument.

The Bluebirds - Young At Heart
Dunghampers.

Blur - Song 2
Bobby McFerrin – Don't Worry Be Happy
Two songs by otherwise popular acts, completely ruined by their ubiquity.

Bobby Pickett - Monster Mash
Bon Jovi – Livin' On A Prayer
These two are on rotation as the elevator music in hell.

Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart
Brand New Heavies – Midnight At The Oasis
Bruce Hornsby – The Way It Is

Bryan Adams - Everything I Do, I Do It For You
Sixteen weeks at number 1. Sixteen! Someone must have been switching out the HRT pills for M&Ms that summer.

Bryan Adams - Summer of '69

Bryan Ferry – Let's Stick Together
Crap, warbled by a prick.

Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch

The Byrds – Mr. Tambourine Man
The worst band in history.

Callum Scott - Dancing On My Own
Carl Douglas – Kung Fu Fighting
Carly Simon – You're So Vain
Carly-Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe

The Carpenters – Yesterday Once More
A brother and sister, singing love songs to one another.

Catatonia – Road Rage
Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On
Chas & Dave – Rabbit

Cher - Believe
Dance music for people who don't like dance music.

Cher - The Shoop Shoop Song

Cher - Walking In Memphis
My own personal choice. A song of irredeemable awfulness.

Chris De Burgh – A Spaceman Came Travelling
Chris De Burgh – The Lady In Red
Run away!

Christina Aguilera - Lady Marmalade
Chumbawamba - Tubthumping

Cliff Richard – Mistletoe and Wine
Cliff Richard – The Millennium Prayer
The first Christmas songs on the list. They will not be the last.

Coldplay – Clocks
Coldplay – Yellow
Coldplay invoke all kinds of ire, but these were the only two specific songs chosen. (Update: someone nominated every single song Coldplay have recorded, in alphabetical order of the title. Is this what my life has become?)

Coolio ft. L.V. – Gangsta's Paradise
The Coral – In The Morning
Counting Crows – Big Yellow Taxi
Courtney Barnett – Pickles From The Jar
The Cranberries – Zombie

Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Hnngh hnngh hnngh hnngh.

Crazy Town – Butterfly
The stink of RHCP all over it. Music for the tattoo parlour where you caught hepatitis.

Crystal Waters - Gypsy Woman
Cutting Crew – (I Just) Died In Your Arms
Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Want To Have Fun
D:Ream – Things Can Only Get Better

Danny Wilson – Mary's Prayer
I'd forgotten about this one. One of my favourite choices on the list, it is a howler.

David Bowie – Across The Universe
David Bowie – The Jean Genie

Dead Or Alive – You Spin Me Round
The curse of 2016 stuck just a day later. Sorry, Pete.

Deee Lite – Groove Is In The Heart

Deep Blue Something – Breakfast At Tiffany's
Of all the songs nominated, this one inspired the most hatred and anger.

Des'ree - Life

Dexys Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen
A brilliant song by a brilliant band, so there.

Diana Ross – Chain Reaction
My mum's least favourite song.

Dire Straits – Money For Nothing
Dire Straits – Romeo and Juliet
Dire straights.

DJ Otzi – Hey Baby
Perhaps the only good argument as to why leaving the EU was a good idea after all.

Dobie Gray – Drift Away
Dodgy – Good Enough
Don McLean – American Pie

Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes
I sang this tunelessly the entire morning after it was mentioned. My wife left me.

Doop – Doop

Dream Academy – Life In A Northern Town
"President Kennedy... and The Beatles (scream)...". A sackcloth full of watery cum.

The Eagles – Hotel California
The other worst band in history.

Edwyn Collins – A Girl Like You
Eiffel 65 – Blue
Elbow - One Day Like This

Ellie Goulding – On My Mind
A friend played this to his 4-year old daughter. Her response? "Why's she saying that? This isn't even a song, dad".

Elton John – Candle In The Wind (1997)
Well, obvs.

Elton John – Crocodile Rock
Elton John – Your Song
Elvis Presley - Return To Sender
Eminem – Lose Yourself

Enigma – Sadness
For when your ambient dance track needs more Gregorian Chant.

Eve ft. Gwen Stefani – Let Me Blow Ya Mind

The theme tune from Everything's Rosie 
The curse of cBeebies.

Fairground Attraction – Perfect
Fountains of Wayne - Stacey's Mom
Frank Sinatra - My Way

The Fratellis – Chelsea Dagger
The sound of losing your virginity in a public toilet at a darts match as they counted up the results of the EU referendum.

Fun – Some Nights
Fun ft. Janelle Monae – We Are Young

Gary Puckett and Union Gap – Young Girl
A brilliant choice. I applaud whoever it was who suggested this one.

George Ezra – Drawing Board

Gerry & The Pacemakers – You'll Never Walk Alone
Full disclosure: the person who nominated this song's Twitter avatar is the badge of Everton Football Club. However, it all checks out. This song is bobbins.

Gerry Rafferty - Baker Street
Extraordinarily popular choice. Because no-one likes saxophones.

Glasvegas – Daddy's Gone

Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive
The most nominated song to include the qualifier "I'm sure no-one else has said this, but..."

The Goo-Goo Dolls – Iris
Green Day – Good Riddance (Time of your Life)
Guns 'n' Roses – Sweet Child o Mine
Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl
Hinder – Lips Of An Angel

House of Pain - Jump Around
The early leader in the popular vote. The party song for people who don't go to parties.

Idina Menzel – Let It Go
Inner Circle - Sweat
The Jam - A Town Called Malice
James Blunt – You're Beautiful

James Brown – I Feel Good
Someone was obviously having a bad day.

Jamie Lawson – Wasn't Expecting That
Jamiroquai – Canned Heat
Janet Jackson – Rhythm Nation
Janis Joplin – Mercedes Benz

Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
Surprisingly, this is not on Spotify. So you all dodged a bullet there.

Jennifer Rush – The Power of Love
Jim Diamond – I Should Have Known Better
JJ Barrie – No Charge
Joe Dolce – Shaddap You Face
John Lennon – Imagine
John Mayer – Your Body Is A Wonderland
Joni Mitchell – Big Yellow Taxi

Journey – Don't Stop Believin'
I have a long-standing suspicion of songs with abbreviated words in their title.

Justin Bieber – Baby
Baby baby baby, ooh (repeat x1 fucking trillion)

Kate Nash – Foundations
Kate Tempest – Circles
Katie Melua – Closest Thing To Crazy
Katie Melua – Nine Million Bicycles

Katrina and the Waves – Walking On Sunshine
Some people don't like to be happy.

Katy Perry – California Gurls
Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl
Katy Perry – Roar
Katy Perry has three songs on the list, representing 50% of her entire artistic output.

The Killers - Mr. Brightside
An outstandingly unpopular and awful record.

Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire
Ffffuuuu

Kings Of Leon – Use Somebody
The La's – There She Goes
Lady Gaga – Bad Romance
Led Zeppelin – Stairway To Heaven
Leonard Cohen – Hallelujah

Lighthouse Family - Lifted
Lighthouse Family – Ocean Drive
The elevator music in Purgatory.

Limp Bizkit – My Generation
Lisa Stansfield – Around The World
Little Eva – The Locomotion
Lo-Fang – You're The One That I Want
Los Del Rio – Macarena
Lou Bega – Mambo No. 5
Lukas Graham – 7 Years

Lulu - Shout
Lulu - The Boat That I Row
Lulu is not nearly as popular as Absolutely Fabulous would have you believe.

Madness – Baggy Trousers
Madonna – Like A Virgin
MAGIC! - Rude

Manfred Mann's Earth Band – Blinded By The Light
A solid choice. 

Manic Street Preachers – SYMM
A song. About writing a song. About Hillsborough. A song about writing a song about Hillsborough.

Marc Cohn – Walking In Memphis
The worst song ever written, performed by the culprit.

Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You
Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk

Maroon 5 – Animals
Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger
Maroon 5 – This Love
No-one likes Maroon 5.

Meatloaf – I'd Do Anything For Love
Do it and get off.

Meghan Trainor – All About That Bass
No treble?

Men At Work – Down Under
Mercury Rev - Goddess On A Hiway
Michael Buble – It's A Beautiful Day

Michael Jackson – Earth Song
Considering his enormous popularity, ubiquity and cultural significance, a surprising solitary vote for Michael Jackson. Then again, Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen didn't get any. But then again, neither of them recorded Earth Song.

MIKA – Grace Kelly

Mike and the Mechanics – The Living Years
This one made me nod my head so hard I think something broke off inside.

MN8 - I've Got A Little Something For You
Mousse T ft. Tom Jones – Sex Bomb
Mr. Big – To Be With You
Mumford and Sons – I Will Wait
Natasha Bedingfield – These Words

The New Radicals – You Only Get What You Give
Inspires nought but rage.

Nicki Minaj – Anaconda
Nickleback - Rockstar

Oasis - Champagne Supernova
I think the original nomination sums this one up better than I ever could:




Oasis - Shakermaker

Oasis - Wonderwall
One of the most nominated songs of them all. Is it because it has been over-played? Or just because it is shit? Or both?

Oasis – All Around The World
"IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS" argues the nominator.

Ocean Colour Scene – The Day We Caught The Train
Offspring - Come Out and Play

OMC – How Bizarre
This song inspires such ire that it renders a lot of people speechless.

Paolo Nutini – New Shoes
Paul McCartney – We All Stand Together
Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime

Peter Sarstedt – Where Do You Go To My Lovely?
An exceedingly popular choice.

Pharrell Williams – Happy

Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight
Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love
Phil Collins – Easy Lover
You couldn't not have a bit of Phil.

Picture House – Sunburst
The Pogues and Kirsty McColl - The Fairytale of New York
The Proclaimers – I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
The Prodigy – Firestarter

Psy - Gangnam Style
This song is the national anthem of the list.

Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Queen – Don't Stop Me Now
Queen – We Are The Champions
Queen – We Will Rock You
I like one of these songs, but you'll have to guess which one while I go and throw up.

R.E.M. - Shiny Happy People
My mate Kev's choice, the first song committed to the list.

Razorlight - America

Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under The Bridge
"Whenever anyone hears a song and asks 'what is THIS shit?', the answer is always Red Hot Chilli Peppers"

Rednex – Cotton Eye Joe
The Cast of Rent – Seasons of Love
Reverend and The Makers – Heavyweight Champion of the World
Richard Harris – Macarthur Park
Ricky Martin – Livin' La Vida Loca
The Righteous Brothers – You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling
Rihanna – Take A Bow

Robbie Williams - Angels
Robbie Williams - Millennium
Robbie Williams - Rock DJ
Robbie Williams – Candy
Robbie Williams – Freedom
Robbie Williams – Mack The Knife
Robbie Williams – Rudebox
No-one has as many entries on this list than Robbie. He has touched many lives.

Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love
Robin S – Show Me Love

Robin Thicke – Blurred Lines
One of the most frequent choices. A dumb-as-shit, rape apologist, piece of fucking garbage sung by a peenarse.

The Cast of The Rocky Horror Show – The Time Warp

Rod Stewart – Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?
Nope.

Roy Orbison – Oh, Pretty Woman
Run DMC ft. Aerosmith – Walk This Way
Rupert Holmes - Escape
Sacred Reich - 31 Flavors
Sam Smith – Money On My Mind
Sandi Thom – I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker

Santana – Smooth
The soundtrack to trying to pick up a really runny dog shit.

Sash – Encore Un Fois

Savage Garden – Truly, Madly, Deeply
Music for, and by, virgins.

The Scorpions - Winds Of Change
The Scorpions – Still Loving You
The band that made people want to rebuild the Berlin Wall. Not on Spotify, you lucky people.

Scouting For Girls – She's So Lovely
The Script – The Man Who Couldn't Be Moved
Shaggy – It Wasn't Me

Shania Twain - Man! I Feel Like A Woman!
Songs with unnecessary exclamation marks in the title.

Shanice – I Love Your Smile

Shut Up And Dance – Raving I'm Raving
A rave track that samples Walking In Memphis. What's not to like?

Simply Red – Fairground
You know how smug Hucknall's face must have been when he finished this one. 

Simply Red – Stars
Sister Sledge - Frankie
Sixpence None The Richer – Kiss Me

Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody
I like this one and I don't care. Although, not in October.

Smash Mouth – All Star
Snap - Rhythm is a Dancer
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Social Distortion - Story of my Life
Sophie Ellis Bextor – Murder On The Dancefloor

Space ft. Cerys Matthews – The Ballad of Tom Jones
No nomination made me laugh as much as this one. It is perfect, brilliant and entirely correct.

Spice Girls - Wannabe

The Spin Doctors – Two Princes
One of the most magnificently unpopular songs on the list. I guarantee that when I go back to Twitter after finishing this post, there'll be a new tweet nominating this. Probably with the word "fucking" in it.

Starship - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now
Starship – We Built This City
Stereophonics - Hurry Up and Wait
Stereophonics – Have A Nice Day
If you ever doubt how much people hate these two groups, just read the Twitter thread.

Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel - Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me)
Steve Miller Band - Abracadabra
Steve Walsh – I Found Lovin'

Stevie Wonder – I Just Called To Say I Love You
Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney – Ebony and Ivory
Perhaps the two most hateful songs ever written, for any fans of irony out there.

Stiltskin – Inside
The Stranglers – Golden Brown
Supertramp – The Logical Song
Survivor – Eye of the Tiger

Sweet – Wig Wam Bam
The fucking Sweet. The other, other worst band in history.

T'Pau – China In Your Hand
I like this, so nur.

Take That ft. Lulu – Relight My Fire
Tammy Wynette – Stand By Your Man

Taylor Swift – I Knew You Were Trouble
Taylor Swift – Shake It Off
Taylor Swift is not on Spotify so you won't be able to enjoy what a brilliant song Shake It Off is. Or how arse-clenchingly dreadful the other one is.

Terence Trent D'arby – Wishing Well

Terry Jacks – Seasons In The Sun
A tumour.

They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse In Your Soul
The inclusion of this one sparked controversy in my timeline, with calls to name and shame. Cards on the table, I like it. Many, many others do not.

Tina Turner – The Best
Hah!

TLC – No Scrubs
Tom Petty – Free Fallin'
Tony Christie – Is This The Way To Amarillo?

Toploader - Dancing In The Moonlight
Hands down, this is the popular choice for the most hated song in history. The sound of Hard Brexit happening as Jamie Oliver runs over your dog in his VW camper van.

Traditional - Jerusalem
"...when it is sung by old posh ladies". 

Traditional - Little Drummer Boy
Traditional – I'm Proud To Be An American

Trio – Da Da Da
Twista ft. Anthony Hamilton – Sunshine

U2 – Beautiful Day
A song so cataclysmically awful that it drew the fire from the remainder of the U2 canon.

UB40 - Red Red Wine
Ultrabeat – Pretty Green Eyes
Ultravox – Vienna
Van Morrison - Brown-Eyed Girl
Vance Joy – Riptide

Waterboys – The Whole of the Moon
The overwhelming choice from Irish and Scottish respondents.

The Weathergirls – It's Raining Men
Westlife – You Raise Me Up
Wet Wet Wet – Love Is All Around
Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag
Whigfield - Saturday Night

Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
My dad's least favourite song.

Wings – Mull Of Kintyre
Wizzard – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day

Yello – Oh Yeah
Oh no.

++ LATE NEWS ++

There continues to be significant interest in this project, significant enough to increase the 337 songs to 373 and then to 380. Which is more. For the benefit of science, here are the new entries:

Anohni - 4 Degrees
Basement Jaxx - Do Your Thing

The Beatles - Octopus's Garden
And yet, still nothing for Rocky Raccoon. Or Oh-Bla-Di, Oh-Bla-Dah. 

Benny Mardones - Into The Night
Beverly Knight - Shoulda Woulda Coulda
Billy Swan - I Can Help

Bran Van 3000 - Drinking In L.A.
Songs from adverts, a surefire recipe for resentment and anger.

Bros - When Will I Be Famous?
Caro Emerald - Liquid Lunch
Charlene - I've Never Been To Me
Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
Corinne Bailey-Rae - Put Your Records On
The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary
Donna Fargo - The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A.
Elton John - Passengers
Eternal - I Wanna Be The Only One

Europe - The Final Countdown
Dur dur dur dur, dur dur dur dur dur.

Flying Machine - Smile A Little Smile For Me
Fools Garden - Lemon Tree

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax
Look, I don't choose these songs, OK?

Jeff Beck - Hi Ho Silver Lining
Although if I could, I would.

LMFAO - Sexy And I Know It
Madonna - Die Another Day

The Mavericks - Dance The Night Away
The creeping menace of modern country music.

M.C. Hammer - U Can't Touch This
Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning
Nelly Furtado - I'm Like A Bird
Okkervil Rover - A Girl In Port
Outkast - Hey Ya!

Prefab Sprout - The King of Rock and Roll
Hot dog.

Procul Harem - A Whiter Shade of Pale
R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts
Rod Stewart - Sailing
The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil
I fundamentally disagree with three out of these four choices. I will leave you to guess which is the odd one out. (It's Rod Stewart).

Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do
Stan Ridgway - Camouflage

Steve Winwood - Higher Love
Southern Sound FM, Woodingdean 1991, representing.

The Streets - Fit But You Know It
Swing Out Sister - Breakout
Tight Fit - The Lion Sleeps Tonight
I can see how these could wear you down.

72 comments:

Justhipper said...

Oh I'd forgotten how bad some of these are - Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon in particular.

I'd like to nominate everything ever by the Stereophonics but also:

Girl in Port - Okkervil River. This is the most sexist piece of shit ever produced by a fey indie band trying to sound tough. Honestly, this tosser is trying to show how much of a woman-magnet he is by listing off tales of all the emotionally damaged women he's suckered into bed by pretending to be all shy and deep. Absolutely enraging. Even more enraging is he's trying to do it by pretending to understand all these lost souls. But in the end he's just another testosterone-fuelled dickhat taking advantage of these ladies' low self-esteem. What a cock for doing it. What an even bigger cock for then immortalising it in a song.

Everybody Hurts - REM. REM are such a great band. I mean amazing. Phenomenal. Arguably one of the greatest bands ever. I don't understand this plodding, cliched, mass-market piece of shite. It needs to go away.

Revolutionary Biscuit said...

Cannot....resist....Spotify.....playlist.....
Help

Dear God and the baby orphans....Robin S-show me love.Just when i thought it had gone someone does a cover.

Revolutionary Biscuit said...

i would say Bruce Springsteen has made the list on a technicality

The Riverboat Captain said...

One obvious excruciating omission for me.. Jeff Beck - Hi Ho Silver Lining.

Hi ho? Ho feckin' ho.

Anonymous said...

"Traditional – I'm Proud To Be An American"

Whilst I'm sure there are other songs with those lyrics in the title, I'm fairly sure that this entry refers to 'God Bless the USA' by Lee Greenwood, which was released in 1992. Since that was the year football was invented, I guess that's old enough for it to count as 'traditional' now.

Anonymous said...

When Richard Harris died, NONE of his obituaries mentioned MacArthur Park. THAT'S how phenomenally shit it was.

nuvo2965 said...

How did MC Hammer's Can't Touch This not make this list? Song most likely to make me consider pushing the Big Red Button...

Orval said...

I note that the list is very short on 70s material. Because we have tried very hard to forget 70s material. You know, things like David Cassidy's Puppy Love.

You're welcome

Anonymous said...

No-one nominated "All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow? Twitter should be ashamed of itself.

Stray_Bullet said...

Shouldn't you have a rule that more than ten people have to have heard of the band?

Unknown said...

'Place Your Hands' by Reef.

It's basically morning breath, set to music.

Anonymous said...

There are some incredibly shite songs on this list and yet no "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton....

It's like nails down a blackboard any time she starts screeching the "ooooh,ooooh,ooooh,ooooh,oooohh,oooooh" bit. Add in a repeated refrain of "naaa, naaa, naaa, naaa, naaa" and a crappy fake birdsong noise in the background and it's enough to make you want to pull your ears off.

Anonymous said...

The Vengaboys - We Like To Party

All the musicality of a casio calculator.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised that Underworld's 'Born Slippy' isn't there. The sound of the 90s disappearing up its arse and re-emerging coated in excrement, acting like it's actually really arch and clever to smear yourself in shit while chanting 'lager, lager, lager' because Renton did it in Trainspotting.

Anonymous said...

Where's Rick Astley? All that Rick-rolling, and no one hates "Never Gonna Give You Up" enough to make the list?

Anonymous said...

America Horse with No Name, the Heat was Hot, Plants and Trees and Rocks and things 'Nuff Said

Carl Draper said...

Basically a lost of overplayed songs. Oh and the Byrds were a good band so bollocks to you.

Lloyd Farley said...

How does a list like this NOT include John Cougar Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane" or Harry Chapin's (?) "Cat's in the Cradle"? Horrid horrid horrid. "American Pie" made it though. That lessens the pain.

Jennifer Eady said...

How did Kokomo by the Beach Boys not make the list?

Anonymous said...

More than words by Extreme.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't possibly be the only person that cannot stand The Lion Sleeps Tonight (Wimoweh) by The Tokens?!

Anonymous said...

I think Sting needs to be on here for anything solo he has done

Polo Nico said...

As a brightonian myself, shame on the subjective nonsense. All music is relative. Now the new york post picks up online nonsense opinion like this. All music is worthy...and id rather the author comment on a real nobel literature winner who is in the same league..camus,eliot etc etc..i cant carry on there is more than 50. Dyan is a songwriter. I see woody guthrie isnt on the list..give him an award first. Im sure this blogger knows where i going....http://folkmusic.about.com/od/bobdylan/a/Bob-Dylan-Plagiarism.htm

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing most people here have never heard Money City Maniacs by Sloan. I envy those lucky folks who missed that particular atrocity.
Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground should be on this list. Was the band on heroin when they made it? Even if you know the song you're recording is shitty, you should still put some effort into it.
I'm glad What's Up by 4 Non Blondes was mentioned. I wouldn't be surprised if this ditty is played on a continual rotation in Hell.

Anonymous said...

Richard Marx "right here waiting" is awful! (and I'm being uber-polite)

Anonymous said...

You forgot, Chicago: Saturday in the Park, Forgot ???: My Girl Bill, The Streaker and anything by Bad Company

Unknown said...

Cyndi Lauper - True Colors
Alannis Morissette- Ironic

Anonymous said...

This list is spot on.

Let's add a new song which has somehow already become one of the most annoying songs of the decade:

The Chainsmokers: Closer

Anonymous said...

Not one Glen Frey song? There are so many to choose from.

Anonymous said...

Agree with much on the list, however it has to be said that being critical is easy, writing a song that becomes popular is not, It's like all the amateur guitar players who post videos of themselves playing a classic guitar tune note perfect, yeah great now try writing one yourself and see how you get on.

trishjoyce3 said...

No AC/DC? I would like to submit my late nomination for every song in their library. It's all a bunch of shouty crap that'll make your ears bleed.

Anonymous said...

The Animals – House of the Rising Sun

For several decades I have had to endure this awful
droning composition - worse still when played without
warning: it should be preceded by an air-raid siren

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised there isn't any by Tom Jones. A stultifying toke of green, green grass beforehand is the best way to get throught Green, Green Grass of Home.

Anonymous said...

Larger Than Life- Backstreet Boys.

The most painful earworm you will EVER encounter.

Stray_Bullet said...

How is it possible there is nothing from the Doors? Almost all of their lyrics are meaningless drivel, Manzarek's annoying doodling on a Hammond organ, Morrison's godawful voice, christ it's virtually unlistenable.

Hartmut W Sager said...

The Rolling Stones - Satisfaction
This groaner irritated me totally when it came out (about 50 years ago?), and has grated me continually every one of the 1000+ times I've heard it since. And it STILL keeps being played! I'll have satisfaction when I never hear it again! Oh, besides the groaner tune, did I mention how brainlessly shitty the lyrics are?

Anonymous said...

Hotel California is at the top of my list, but I agree with Anonymous too who said anything solo done by Sting (Stink)

Anonymous said...

This is just a list of songs that have been overplayed at one point or another. It just goes to show that any time a song becomes popular, chances are someone somewhere is going to hate it. If anyone reading this agrees with this entire list, chances are they don't like pop music period. There are numerous classics on here. Now, onto saving this playlist.

Sean Cuthill said...

I'm glad to see my favourite band didn't make the list. Whew!

A little surprised that my most hated tunw hasn't already been mentioned: Marcy's Playground "Sex and Candy". Sounds like a song they just threw on to fill an album. The kind of tune you have bowel movements to.

Anonymous said...

There IS order amid the chaos of the Universe... not a SINGLE Beastie Boys song was nominated... because they're all GREAT!!! RIP, MCA!

Anonymous said...

Stairway To Heaven & Under The Bridge hahaha you people are trippin hard.

Anonymous said...

OMG!! I can't believe no one nominated Nena and her FUCKING 99 red balloons!! English and German versions SUCK!!!

Anonymous said...

you forgot Roxanne by The Police and American Woman by Lenny K. or any song by him

Starlsy said...

Cornershop - Brimful of Asha

Unknown said...

Sweet Home Alabama? Anybody? I can't be the only one that turns off the radio as soon as it starts? (My radio is off a lot...)

Cosmic said...

75% of top 50 music from the last 15 years, 90% of Hip Hop and 99% of cRAP & 100% of 'Boys Bands/Justin Beiber/Miley Cyrus'should be on the list, all repetitive, all sh!te!!

Cosmic said...

Most of the posters on this blog seem to have their musical tastebuds up their dates, instead of in their ears and minds and hearts. There is a difference between familiarity breeding contempt and plain rubbish.

Anonymous said...

Heart of Gold by Neil Young - so sick of it.

Gordon said...

Here's an old for ya..."Little Arrows" by Leapy Lee

An irritating tune/melody and that gawdawful falsetto "Falling in love again! Falling in love again!"

Woah, the pain indeed.

Gordon said...

Morcheeba "Women Lose Weight" - a great band who made great music...until they booked a lame rapper and made a stupid, shitty, sexist song.

Gordon said...

Red Sovine...ANYTHING by him - country singer whose songs (spoken, over some dreary guitar playing) are SO depressing they make your CD/record/whatever player want to commit suicide.

Examples/descriptions:
"Phantom 309", a tale of a hitchhiker who hops a ride from a trucker who turns out to be the ghost of a man who died years ago giving his life to save a school bus full of children from a horrible collision with his rig.
"Teddy Bear", the tale of a disabled boy who lost his truck driver father in a highway accident and keeps his CB radio base as his only companion.
"Here It Is Christmas", a divorcee's holiday lament
"Billy's Christmas Wish", a dialogue between a poor, sickly, runaway boy and a sidewalk Santa
"What Does Christmas Look Like?", a little blind girl asks her father to describe the Christmas she cannot see
"Little Rosa", an Italian-American railroad employee tells a stranger, in broken English, about getting a bouquet to place on the grave of his small daughter who was killed by a train while he was away
"Roses For Mama", a 5-year-old boy is upset because he cannot afford to purchase roses for his mother, whom he says he hasn't seen in almost a year. SPOILER ALERT - turns out the mother is DEAD and he wants the flowers for her grave!

Geez, with songs like that...MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!

Anonymous said...

Fairly pointless list - half are truly risible yet half are actually my favourites. Oh well, for what it's worth, the appalling Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen, most hideous of all time that What's Up travesty by 4 Non Blondes, and anything by the pretentious, derivative, unmusical Go-betweens.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah and anything by thos ghastly poseurs Spandau Ballet. Why do I find it hard to write the next line? Because you're a tryhard twat.

Gordon said...

I just realised Baha Men's "Who Let The Dogs Out" is not on this list.

How the hell did we manage to overlook that steaming pile of turd?

Anonymous said...

Can't believe Maria Muldaur's "Midnight at the oasis" didn't make the list!! It should top the list!!

Michael McVey said...

Worst song ever: Shania Twain "Any Man of Mine". Very sexist (against men); gloating over female double standards and lack of responsibility.

Dishonorable mention: Katy Perry "I kissed a girl and I liked it." SO WHAT???

Anonymous said...

Lists like these demonstrate one consistent truism. People are miserable, awful gits.

Anonymous said...

Nothing by Yes? "Owner of a Lonely Heart" is just dreadful.

Eric Francis said...

Debby Boone You light up my life - How can you possibly miss this?

Anonymous said...

America. Horse with No Name is the worst ever.

Anonymous said...

Can I nominated Bruce Springsteen? Specifically 'Born in the USA'. Over here in the States radio stations play it incessantly on the Fourth of July. Apparently nobody ever looked at the lyrics.

Anonymous said...

Fiddler's Dream - Day Trip to Bangor has to be close to the worst song of all time. Once it's in your head you can't get rid of it.

andy a said...

Where is "Alone again, naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan in this cesspool of songs?

Icecream Inc said...

Dexys Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen <---
interesting story about this song. One of the band members was on a music quiz show in australia and Adam Hall asked what the song Come on Eileen was about..
It was cut from going to air because the answer was R18 rated.. but anyone who bought the DVD season with bonus material got the cut out answer.
Eileen was a girl who loved the band, and followed them around on tour...
and slept with each member of the band. Eileen had a particular fetish ..one very common in porno.. she liked to be ... look at the title... think about it.

Scott Kelly said...

Beds are Burning Midnight Oil is the reason we are turning away from fossil fuels and going green. Final countdown, Carrie and Cherokee from Europe are the the 3 worst songs ever recorded the band should really head for Venus and never return.

Scott Kelly said...

Gordon Lightfoot's The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is a song that's a story sung as a song. You'll never get back the 6 minutes of your life if you listen to this pile of whale blubber.

Anonymous said...

Rose Royce - Car Wash - The only lyrics I know are ("working at the car wash")

Styx - Come Sail Away - Blech, just blech

Culture Club - Karma Chameleon I can remember being in kindergarten when this came out and I loved it. Now it just seems creepy.

Motley Crue - This Ain't A Love Song.The chorus is "This Ain't A Love Song, it's just a F*uck song". *Disclaimer...I am a huge Motley fan, but this song just seems a tad over the top, even for them*

Tommy Tutone - (Jenny) 867-5309

Anonymous said...

Baby Love by the Supremes has to be THE most annoying song ever recorded (and I am a fan of the group).

Anonymous said...

I'll add a few of my non-favorites.

Joe Walsh - Decades. Repeat listening is worse than waterboarding.

Elton John - Someone Saved My Life Tonight. Elton cancels wedding plans after intervention by his gay friends. The ladies love this song because of the lines "Someone saved my life tonight Sugarbear" and "Butterflies are free to fly, fly away, high away, bye-bye". The remainder of the lyrics generally unintelligible. They are also among the most misogynistic ever put to record.

Kinks - Lola. You can tell Ray Davies hates having to sing this song at his shows.

-- Rick A.

M. DH said...

While it is true that Bruce Springsteen never recorded Earth Song...he DID do Dancing in the Dark.

Anonymous said...

It's remarkable how "Blue" and "Mambo No 5" take me right back to working as a consultant in Ottawa, 1999. Sitting in a Tim Horton's at 3AM, total insomnia, and the execrable Mambo 5 song playing seemingly on endless repeat. Aargh. PTSD.

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