Friday 17 June 2011

New life

My life changed a lot last year. At first I thought it was going to be a straightforward, line in the sand change. I'd not anticipated it being a pebble in the pond change. But sat here now, 18 months on, I have to say I was a bit dim.

I suppose I got focussed on one thing and took my eyes off the fact that nothing exists independently of everything else. Of course things were going to change - lots of things, in lots of small but appreciable ways, all over the place. The jury's very much still out on whether or not the overall effect is a positive one.

Undeniably, there have been positives. Wonderful, life-affirming and enriching positives. But for every new set of circumstances that arise there are a new set of ripples. A series of little knock-on effects with unpredictable consequences. I'd happily go back to the way things were in the carefree year of 2009, but that would now itself entail a loss of some very special things. This is not the same, though, as being happy that I'm losing some of the stuff which made those earlier years so special to me.

Life is dazzlingly complex, isn't it? I think that just how complex can be summed up by the fact that I feel that I'm undergoing a fundamental shift in so many things having personally done nothing to precipitate it. It's baffling, bewildering and upsetting. Today is an "upsetting" day.

If this was a Livejournal blog, my current mood emoticon would be "maudlin".

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