Tuesday, 26 July 2011

On listening to old songs

I listen to a lot of old songs. In fact, I would venture that about 99% of everything I listen to - and I will listen to music every single day - will be old songs. Some NEW RELEASES will seep into my consciousness, but not many. I could say that I leave them for the young people, but in truth it's pretty much always been like that since I've been an adult.

This leaves a 5 year spell, from about 1996-2001, when I was aged 16-21, where I accumulated the most current releases. I don't listen to these old songs so much. They're full of memories, and my memories of that time aren't especially pleasant. They're not especially unpleasant either, but that's barely enough to constitute halcyon days.

Today I am listening to some old songs from that period, however. It's making me realise that whilst I am still very much the same person as I was then, I'm increasingly an incomparably improved version. In many ways, breaking my spine in half was a true rebirth.

20-year old me had all the attributes that make me who I am. But he truly hated himself. With all his soul. It took a brush with death for me to slowly begin to recognise that wasn't necessarily the most fruitful, or honest, path. If I hadn't nearly died that night in 2006, I think I'd be dead by now.

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